Okay,
so you date people hoping that one of these days you will come
across the right person, the one you will make the greatest
romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going
nowhere and believe that you just have no luck with meeting the
right people? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole
dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with
it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating
blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you
feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then
it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things
went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right?
Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that
you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you
forgot what to look out for and neglected your true needs and
desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your
needs and desires? What qualities are important for a person to
have and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with
and accept?
Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will
help prevent you from staying in the dating scene forever. It is
essential that you observe your actions and decisions, making sure
that you do not continue to date certain people in the name of
dating. If you find that you are not sharing the connection you
crave with a person, then you must discontinue with dating that
person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting that persons feelings,
but what you must remember is that there is nothing too personal
or emotional between the two of you anyway, so just throw that
excuse out- and just break it off, in a polite manner of course!
This is where so many get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates,
with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound too
business-like for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the
real world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare
people hurt or disappointment, then you have been doing it all
wrong. This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but
it does mean that you have to make finding the right person a
first and high priority for, not worrying about what other people
with think of you.
Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While it is
normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your
date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on.
In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what
their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the
date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection
they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners
or personality you put on, you will never be in control of what
your date will think or feel about the date, so set that
unnecessary stress aside. Instead, shift your focus about what you
will think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do YOU
like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to YOU? Do
YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As you can see, it
is what you think that is important here, because you are the one
looking for the right person, as well as certain qualities. Leave
what they think, up to them!
The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment,
causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not
entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to
convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being
with anybody, even if you are not crazy about him or her, is
better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get
stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you
have to be single forever. Being honest and up front from the
beginning is what will get you where you want to be and whom you
want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by
telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how
serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way,
if they get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were
not looking for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time
and you can then move on to dating someone else.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know
what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people
that you date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages,
misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal
of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will
stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do- you will
finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have
always longed for, needed and deserve.
Alina
Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com
helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital,
sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.
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